longingfreesia | (no subject)

This is mainly a question for Shiroko-san and Ai-san, but I felt like leaving this open for others to weigh in their opinions too.

How do you live comfortably with both parts of yourself, as a hybrid?

I don't know much about my non-human side, other than I'm a demon with insect qualities. I don't know if I come from a specific line of demons, or what they would be called. My abilities and what I'm capable of I've had to explore myself, and I still do training with them once or twice a week to explore them.
So as you can imagine, I do feel very out of touch with that side of myself, where I feel much more comfortable with my human side.

I'm just not sure how to feel comfortable living not as just a human, or just a demon, but as both at the same time.

I guess I was just curious if there are other hybrids who feel this way, like they're in touch with one side more than the other, or if there are others out there who have found a way to feel more comfortable with their hybrid identity.

I just want to make sure that I feel comfortable and proud of who I am, not just for myself, but also for any children Yuma and I may have in the future too, as they wouldn't only have my demon heritage, but Yuma's Astral heritage too, so I'd want to be able to teach them to be comfortable with it and be proud of who they are.

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I'll be honest. It took me. Years? To get comfortable with myself. I'm not sure if I'm a hybrid, I think I got transfigured into an outright Succubus spirit.

But. It. Was. A lot. It took me even getting split in half into a bitchy Succubus and an overcompensating human to come to terms with myself?

And. Well. You learn to understand your needs. For me, it's that I had to well. I'm going to be upfront since we're both adults:

I need to be very sexually active due to being a Succubus and sleep around with a lot of people I trust. Which I was doing, but I need to be more than Monogamous, something my ... boyfriend, which I should fix to husband or something. And I both had to understand that I needed to be more open, and that what matters to the two of us is a deeply personal relationship of love, emotion, and caring about one another, and that sex is just a part of it.

Also. You learn quick to get rid of people when you become a duchess. Who want to corrupt you into being a huge jerk.

I see. So it's important to really give myself time to become comfortable with myself, as well as learning to gradually understand my own needs as a hybrid.

Having a supportive partner that understands your needs and is happy to meet you in the middle with it really helps. Yuma is completely accepting of me, no matter who, or what, I am.

Being corrupted into a huge jerk is something I definitely want to avoid, so I'll make a mental note to be careful about that and keep away from anyone who I feel doesn't have my best interests at heart.

I've already had one person manipulate me in the past and try to use my abilities for their own gain.

I never want that to happen again.

Yes, and don't resist any urges that feel strange to your upbringing. I mean, don't go murdering people, but if you find yourself more sexual. More exhibitionist. Maybe a light hint of a meaner streak, go explore it, preferably with your friends and family? In a safe controlled environment?

Don't hold yourself down trying to stick to Japanese norms, it's not going to work, you'll end up popping and you'll over compensate as a cartoon character.

As for the manipulation:

Learn how to whack people over the head to make them crumple and get really good at burying or sinking things, if you have to.

Remove people from your equation.

But that's Makai ethics and might be a bit much for you, dear.

Alright. It'll be difficult breaking out of norms, but if I feel any strange urges, that I can explore in a safe environment, then I will.

Hmm, yeah, Makai ethics probably are a bit much for me, but I'll be making sure I'm strong enough to not be taken advantage of, at least.

Thank you, Ai-san. I really appreciate the advice.

Not a problem.

And like I don't expect a total societal breakdown, but I think a thing to understand being a hybrid and also if the world becomes more populated by well. Let's call us 'monsters'.

I do think there's going to be a bit more 'show of force' required in things, like standing up for yourself and learning how to bluff, but I don't think it's going to be as bad as things I've dealt with in Makai within and around my territory there.

That's understandable and I'll definitely keep that in mind going forward.

Uh. I don't have anything as deep as Ai.

I learned to float and uh. Accept I'm probably prone to being plural?

And use my being a fallen angel as a cash-in selling point business wise for my company?

It's about as normal to me as breathing is?

It just means I'm a bit more sexual, a little bit more evil, a little more selfish than I was in high school, but it's nothing big deal. It's just. Me?

So it's not really something you've had to really think much about? It just came a little more naturally to you?

It's good to get these different perspectives though, as I imagine everyone's experience is different and unique.

Hmm, but using your identity as a fallen angel as a selling point for your business is actually really interesting. Maybe I could find a way to do something similar.
To be fair, my current demon form is actually pretty cute and would fit well with with my own business.

Yea.

To me being a hybrid is just something I wake up and be every day. It's nothing stranger than getting up to the bathroom, or being a mother of 3, being married or being a fashion designer. Or that I have a tendency to fugue somewhat.

Ai and I sell ourselves as beings from Makai to customers for our "Devilish Delights" line, which is more sultry dresses, gloves and lingerie and the like, that does use fabric, gems and materials from Makai. Like I'm not from Makai, but hey, lying sells. And technically Ai is a duchess there.

So heyo. Use every advantage you can take. Like don't be an asshole, but don't restrain yourself either, Kotori.

I do agree with Ai, don't resist anything, unless it's like outright murderous tendencies, which are still kinda bad.

But you can always like ask us for advice.

I think it being just something I wake up and be every day is where I'd like to be eventually. It being as normal as everything else in my life.

I'll definitely try not to restrain myself and explore things about it if I get the urge to, as long as it's in a safe environment and not harmful.

I really appreciate the both of you giving me advice about all this.

Not a problem, you can ask us for help any time.

Nothing much I can add, that Shiroko and Ai haven't, but you honestly just live with it.

Like being a Grimro is natural to me anymore, as much as being mayor or being a Roman Catholic.

"How do you juxtaposition being a demon and being a member of the faith that says demons are bad"

Well, God's got to forgive all of us at some point here, that's kind of the whole kit and kaboodle, right?

Hmm, so I guess it really is just giving myself time and to keep exploring it while doing so and hopefully it'll gradually feel natural for me too.