[Event Post]

[longingfreesia]

*Kotori had arrived at SAI for her first therapy session with Noriko. Yuma had offered to go with her for support, but she had decided to push herself and face it on her own. Though, as she headed towards the office she'd been directed towards, she began to feel extremely nervous.

'Kattobing, Kotori. You can do this' she thought to herself as she reached the office door. With a deep breath, she raised her hand up and knocked on it a few times.*

Comments

[theheadmonarch]

Alright, I just had to be sure. If it at any point causes trouble, we'll take pause there.

We've established you feel "Demonic" isn't a problem, that it can be held in balance...

Then what do you negatively associate here with your demonic nature, with this Other You that you met? What kind of personality traits, habits, anything, do you think are connected to it?

Just so we can lay out a ground work. If you're comfortable with that.

[longingfreesia]

Well, the other me she... she was very manipulative. She was able to play on my good nature and get me to follow her somewhere by pretending to be someone in need.

She was insulting and seemed to love the idea of having power over others. She seemed disgusted with me because she felt I 'held myself back'. She also came off as very threatening and sadistic.

And she definitely seemed to have no issue with the idea of killing me so she could replace me here and wouldn't listen to reason.

I guess those are what I associate with it.

[theheadmonarch]

Hnnn... This is a complicated question. You can either think about or we can walk from it.

But. Do you see any of that in yourself? Manipulative? Sadistic? Selfish?

[longingfreesia]

*Kotori slowly shakes her head.*

No... I'd never do something that would knowingly upset or harm someone else.
I mean, everyone has their negative traits. I know can be stubborn and maybe naggy about things at times, but never anything like being manipulative or sadistic.

I'm just worried those traits exist as a part of me, somewhere deep down, where they could be triggered or brought out by someone else manipulating me.

*She then places a hand to her head, feeling a little exasperated.*

Or maybe I'm just worrying too much, and these are more learned behaviours that I saw in the other me, rather than innate ones. I really don't know what to think. I don't know what kind of innate behaviours demons can have that differ from a human.

[theheadmonarch]

::Tapping her business kitten heel thinking.::

... Hnnn.

Do you want to explore that? Find out what innate differences there are, even if it scares you?

::I'm going to regret this...::

[longingfreesia]

*Kotori shuffles a bit uncomfortably where she's sat, raising an eyebrow with a hesitant look.*

How, exactly?

[theheadmonarch]

I wouldn't advise it on this session but either hypnosis or more extensive means on my end, capable of my own nature. Depending on how much you want to dig deep into your psyche, Ms. Mizuki. Of course.

Your sense of humanity and whatever training or views your father did would be suppressed, however memories wouldn't be. However, I will note this is likely to be very uncomfortable and possible traumatizing on its own level to your human-nurtured psyche.

You may find things about yourself that you won't like.

I will note: This is an offer, not an obligation.

We do not have to do this.

[longingfreesia]

I'll keep the offer in mind, but... as much as I'd like to know, it seems like it would be too dangerous and drastic. After all, I'm trying to solve how I feel over the trauma and issues I already have over this. Adding to that seems like a bad idea.

*Thank goodness Kotori seems to have a level head on her shoulders, despite what she's been through.*

[theheadmonarch]

::Smarter than my cousin or most Samasu, at least.::

Good point.

The door will remain open for future sessions.

::Shows you a little cartoon-y looking IOU on a note card.::

So, right now, to get back on track, I want you to think. What make you feel more confident about yourself? Or what would you like to explore and discuss, trauma wise.

What feels most important to you?

Since it sounds like you want some semblance of normality.

[longingfreesia]

What makes me feel confident about myself?

Well... my fashion designing has always been something I've felt very confident with and it's what I want to do, career wise. I was building up my own small independent business before the more recent things happened, but I've had to temporarily take some time away from it to focus on myself and getting myself back on my feet.

I'm confident with cooking and... it might be silly, but Yuma makes me feel confident in myself too. Just with how he faces everything head on and never gives up on things.
We have a saying for it. 'Kattobing'.

And that's my 'normal'. My career, cooking, spending time with Yuma, shopping with friends.

But it seems every time I try and grasp back that 'normal' something else happens to derail it all again. I know for Yuma and I, things will never be completely 'normal' for us. I guess it's just... trying to find a balance between everything and accepting the abnormal parts of our lives.

I just want to be able to have that semblance of normality, but to also be able to accept myself for what in-human traits I have. To be able to trust that side of myself.

[theheadmonarch]

Hrm. And what, right now, is bucking you when you try to grasp that normalcy? From being able to chop up leeks or use a microwave?

I might be a tiny bit scattered brained, forgive me.

[longingfreesia]

I guess it probably is that uncertainty on who I am and my lack of knowledge on my demon half and I guess demons in general. It's like that part of me is a stranger I don't know much about and can't trust.
And then I tend to overthink and over-worry about everything regarding it, especially after I gained the demon form unexpectedly and how badly I reacted to it.

I'd really convinced myself that I was a danger to everyone around me.

And I guess I just feel really... worn down with all that's happened to me the last few years since discovering my abilities.

[theheadmonarch]

Hrm. Let's start really small.

... And what would, right now. Please think.

Give you a reassurance. That tonight you can go home and feel comfortable with, let's say, instant cup ramen or a frozen TV dinner? Or something really easy cooking wise.

Though, as a blithe aside, it also sounds like you need a day off or a day at the spa. Self care.

[longingfreesia]

What would give me the reassurance? That I can go home after this and just do something low-key and normal?
I'm not sure... it's a difficult thing to really say, because you don't tend to really think about these things.

I dunno... I guess maybe just seeing home, or seeing Yuma. That's where I feel most comfortable.

A spa day would be nice, but I don't really have the money to spend on things like that at the moment, especially while I am taking a break from my career too.

[theheadmonarch]

Have you not been home recently? And who is Yuma?

[longingfreesia]

Oh. I've been home. Everything is fine. Maybe I misunderstood what you were asking.

I guess I was just saying that seeing home or being home is just, I guess, a reassurance of mostly normal home life?

And Yuma is my partner. One second...

*She pulls out her D-Pad and pulls up a photo of a selfie photo of herself and Yuma. You may recognise Yuma as someone who was a student at the island Duel Academy back when you taught there. One of the 'Yuuki specials' who often got himself into supernatural or odd happenings and ended up in the infirmary quite a bit.*

[theheadmonarch]

... Oh.

I hope he hasn't broken any bones recently or tried to use a rocket powered trampoline.

::Oh God. I feel bad for you. Not pity per say but good lord those boys are stress inducing sweethearts.::

[longingfreesia]

*She gives out a little chuckle.*

Seems you know him.

But thankfully, no, he hasn't. He's managed to keep himself out of trouble more or less, well, other than the trouble I got myself in.

[theheadmonarch]

He was at Duel Academy when I was teaching Psychology there and providing regular continuous guidance counseling.

So. Hrm. And this is just a suggestion, take it if you want it.

Maybe tonight, or whenever, you should try to go into the kitchen, and try and heat something up. Cook something basic. With Yuma with you, if both of you feel up to it. Have him there to start with, and as you feel more confident, try and go back to doing it on your own.

Hrm. I'm also trying to think if there's anything I can recommend on terms of exposure therapy with demons and fiends, besides Shiroko and Ai, but that might be down the line. The people of Makai haven't made much venture onto Earth... And I'm not sure I'd recommend going to Makai itself.

Culture Shock and it might re-aggravate your concerns and fears.

[longingfreesia]

Alright. I'll gradually start doing simple things with cooking... and maybe sewing too, just little things and I'll build up from there.

And yeah, if we find a way to do some kind of exposure therapy with demons somewhere down the line, I'd be willing to look at that. I'd like to learn more, even if it's just through having a conversation with a demon who'd be willing to talk.

[theheadmonarch]

I think that's a smart move. Just treat yourself with love and self respect.

Also. Well. I could offer my experiences as a non-human, but this is meant to focus on being about you. And I'm not sure I'm from the same realm as your lineage.

... Though, it does occur to me, Makai does have an embassy in Domino... but...

[longingfreesia]

I'm guessing going to the embassy and asking for advice would be a bad move too?

And I'm not even sure exactly what lineage I am or I guess what realm the lineage would be from. I just know that it's insect based.

[wherethemiceare]

::Scratches her cheek.::

That's an extremely loaded... everything. The embassy would be able to help you.

But the sisters given the duty of the ambassadorship. Hrm. Keep them at arm's length, I'd recommend.

The head ambassador might know more on lineage than me, since I haven't checked or read up on Makai for a long time. But.

There's a reason the term Femme Fatale exists.

::Long tired noise.::

[longingfreesia]

Okay so, they'd be able to help me but I'd need to be wary and not get too close.

If I ever did decide to go there to seek advice, who would I be asking for there? Or the names of those that run it.

[theheadmonarch]

Vidya and Priti Van Der Aart.

One is a long haired woman with small glasses and a labcoat. The other sister is a short haired blonde in Victorian Gothic.